Contents
The Words
I write about once a week, in three chapters. They are not stages and you do not pass through them in order. Newest first.
Everything, newest first
Sandwich generation meaning, and why it lands differently the second decade
The sandwich generation means one adult caring for a child and an aging parent at the same time. What the definition does not contain is a length.
The language gap: why English took until 1973 to name matrescence
English has had a word for becoming an adult since the fifteenth century. It got one for becoming a mother in 1973, then barely used it for forty years.
Caregiver identity and the invisible labor nobody counts
The labor has a name. It has had several since 1987, published in real journals by women who saw it clearly. Naming it did not get it counted.
Going back to work while you are still becoming someone
Going back to work after a baby is written about as logistics. The part nobody covers is returning to an unchanged role as a changed person.
Caregiver burnout: when caring for others erases caring for you
Caregiver burnout is described almost everywhere as exhaustion, and exhaustion is the part of it I recognize least. What goes first is not your energy.
Matrescence and the second baby: why it is different, not easier
Matrescence happens again with a second baby, and the second time is not a smaller version of the first. The skills carry over; knowing who you are does not.
What is the sandwich generation? (And why it hits mothers hardest)
The sandwich generation is caring for an aging parent and your own children at once. Here is who counts, and what the name leaves out about the person in the middle.
Lost but well: not depressed, and still unable to find yourself
There is a state between coping and being unwell, and it does not have a name. Postpartum identity loss names what went missing, not the position you are standing in.
The sandwich generation: naming the crush you have been carrying
The crush of caring for a small child and an aging parent at the same time is not a scheduling problem. It is a second transition.
Matrescence does not end at one year: what the second year is actually like
Matrescence has no established endpoint. The one-year mark is an administrative date rather than a finding, and the second year is barely written about.
Anticipatory grief: when you grieve a parent who is still here
Anticipatory grief is grief that starts before the loss. If it arrived while you were becoming a mother, it is not two problems. It is the same threshold twice.
The friendships that do not survive matrescence
You used to speak every week, and now it is twice a year, and nothing happened in between. The friendships that quietly end in matrescence, and what ends them.
Lived experience vs clinical advice - why the difference matters
Lived experience can tell you what a thing felt like from the inside. It cannot tell you what is wrong with you or what to do about it. Everything I write sits.
Finding community when you feel erased by motherhood
The loneliness of early motherhood is rarely a shortage of people.
What matrescence is not: four things it keeps getting confused with
Matrescence is not the fourth trimester, not postpartum depression, not motherhood itself, and not evidence you are coping badly. Four boundaries, drawn.
Matrescence in Australia: why the word found ready ground here
Matrescence is the developmental transition of becoming a mother, and the word has landed unusually well in Australia.
Identity loss after having a baby - is this a crisis or a crossing?
Crisis and crossing describe exactly the same facts.
When "I used to be someone else" is all you can think
The thought arrives while your hands are busy. Rinsing a bottle, folding a sleepsuit, waiting for the kettle. I used to be someone else.
The invisible revolution of early motherhood
Matrescence is the developmental transition of becoming a mother, and it is happening at this moment, in separate flats and separate kitchens, to a very large
Why nobody told you becoming a mother would feel like a loss
You were told about the stitches and the night feeds.
Matrescence vs postpartum depression - the difference that matters
Matrescence is a normal developmental transition. Postpartum depression is an illness.
The self you grieve when you become a mother
Postpartum identity loss behaves like grief because it is grief.
You didn't lose yourself - you became someone else
Postpartum identity loss is the experience of no longer recognizing the person you have been living inside for thirty-odd years.
Postpartum identity loss: is this normal, or is something wrong?
Yes, it is normal.
What is matrescence? The word that names what new mothers feel
Matrescence is the developmental transition of becoming a mother, named in 1973 and still barely known.
Matrescence meaning: why this one word changes everything
The meaning of matrescence, in the sense that matters at four in the morning, is that the trouble is not you.
Matrescence definition - and why it matters that it exists
Matrescence is the developmental transition into motherhood: the physical, hormonal, neurological, social and identity changes that begin in pregnancy or at
The best matrescence books - what they got right (and what they missed)
If you read one book on matrescence, read Lucy Jones's Matrescence, published in 2023.
28 entries. Written by Willow Reed.